Buddies

One of the goals of our family was to have children close enough in age that they were close--closer than my husband and I were with our siblings anyway--and it has seemed to work out that way. Sure they fight, they play with the same toys and have the same interests for the most part and squabble over little things. Elena knows how to push Julia's buttons and knows when to push away and when to zoom in for a snuggle. And Julia is a big softie who tries to be hard nosed about being the big sister but will, more often than not, capitulate to her baby.

The forced separation in early September of the kids by the childcare situation in the town was one that put an enourmous strain on all of us, but none more than the close relationship between the two girls. On the first day we had to go to our separate places--Elena to her dayhome, Julia to hers (and to school) and me back to work--we dropped Elena off first. Well as we were leaving she began to cry. Predicatably, she is only 2 after all. But the strange thing was that she wasnt crying for me, she seemed to understand that I had to go to work but she couldnt for the life of her understand why Julia couldnt stay with her. Her big sister had always been the constant that made all the other transitions of moving, new houses, new dayhomes, having to miss mom all day long, etc. much more bearable. And now they were forced to be apart? Incomprehensible.

Well, we had to go and Julia was feeling anxious about it, as she was putting on her shoes to get back into the car, she said to me, "Mom, Elena is crying. She's sad." I said, "Yeah, I know, but we have to do this today--you get to go to school, she gets to play here and mom has to go to work, but we'll see each other really soon" She nodded and continued putting on her shoes. After a moment, she said, "Mom, Elena is crying and calling my name" she paused, "Mom, its all my fault." Talk about heartbreak. What kind of four year old puts this kind of pressure on herself?

Later that afternoon while at school, she had an incident that made her wet herself. Coincidence? She never has accidents except in a seizure state, no matter how minor or quick they may be. She then continued to have accidents at night and during the day (very very unusual for the incidents to happen during the day when she is usually so aware of herself). There had to be something I could do for my poor girls.

So I called up some people and got meetings and made arrangements and the long and the short of it is that I managed to get an exemption to keep my girls together. Some people might feel like I was too overprotective but all I know is that since being back together, Julia hasnt had a single incident. And that? Is good enough reason for me.