I am feeling conflicted--I want to believe that I am making the right choice but I am so worried that the outcome is not going to be a pretty sight. I am asking for a lot to make this happen and what if I am wrong? Do I turn tail and come back? What if the kids dont adjust or my marriage doesnt hold up? What if the next school makes me pine for the one I am leaving? What if. what if. what if.
I am up way past the time for sleeping; all the kids are nestled in soft slumber and I am sitting up, mulling over all the things that need to be done, the house that still needs to be lived in for half a year and yet it feels like it is pressing down on me to begin.
Purging is one of the joys and sorrows of moving--you find things long forgotten, throw away things you lost an attachement for, remember and release emotions that swim up to the surface of your life.
I love it. I hate it. The thought of moving makes me feel nauseated and elated all at the same time. I want the imagined life that I could lead--will it be a reality? Do I still have a support system there or am I just hopeful that I can find my footing in one again? Will my next work environment really drive me forward or will I flounder once more? Can I live with myself if it is all for naught?
Added pressure: D says this next house is the last one he wants to move into--in other words it is supposed to be our "forver" home--is there such a thing? What if we change our minds? Do we choose a house based on the house? what about schools? jobs? neighbourhoods? convenience?
Ugh. And so it goes...
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Although I don't know the details of your situation, I can relate to the difficult choices. A few years ago, my wife and I had to make a decision about whether to stay where we were or accept jobs at a school that we knew to be inferior to the ones we were at. We took the job and moved 9 hours away because it meant being closer to our families and because we already had a lot of friends there.
It turned out to be a crappy choice.
So we made another tough decision, to take a job at a school where there was only a position for one of us. So my wife continued teaching and I became a stay-at-home pet owner and then, a few months later, a stay-at-home dad: and that choice has been a good one for us.
We can't know for sure in advance how a choice will turn out. We make the best choices we can and we live with the consequences and--most importantly--we keep making choices. Very, very, very few decisions we make are truly final.
We, too, have said that we're only making one more move, when we move into the house that we build ourselves. However, we can already see circumstances that may cause us to change that decision. So it goes.
Here's hoping that your decision works out well for you. (P.S.--I wandered over from Holidailies)
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