I have a BOY!

Jacob Neill Marlowe arrived on

May 15, 2007

10:34 am

8lbs 4 oz.

20 inches long

Birth story to come when I have a few minutes!

Coming and Going?

3D Ultrasound at 34 weeks

So we have been down in Edmonton for 3 days now and while things are slowly taking some semblance of a routine, it is a hard adjustment for both girls and for myself. And, in a lot of ways, for my mother and brother, who are not quite used to having small children underfoot. My mother seems to struggle a bit understanding what I am and am not allowed to do ("Come run down here right now!" is NOT on my list of things I should be doing. Sigh.) and I am feeling rather uneasy about the girls running about the house. It is hard to feel like I can truly feel rested here while I am watching the girls so closely and to relax in someone else's home with other people's things around and not a lot of comforts of home. I am tempted to just go home for a week, as we had originally planned and come back down again for my appointments on the 23rd but that is 10+ hours of driving.

I had an appointment yesterday with my family doctor here and she agreed that I should be resting more and being active less. She also told me that she didn't think it was a good idea for me to drive back home by myself so that throws a bit of a kink in the "go home" plan since we would then have to arrange for someone to drive with me and the kids. So now to decide if the hassle of finding someone to drive with, coupled with how hard it would be on the kids to go back home only to have to come back to Edmonton a few days later.

The baby seems like things are stable and not going anywhere anytime soon so I think it would be OK to travel so much but I don't know if it is really worth going back and forth. I want to be home so much because it would be easier in so many ways but the girls are starting to get used to the idea of being here. Sigh.

I need a private jet or something.

Green Light!

So, at my appointment, the OB here found that I had no changes in dilation or softening from the last appointment (hurray!) and so I had the green light to drive down to Edmonton. I will be there for about 3 weeks, I think. Rather than drive back and forth every week, like we had originally planned, so that Julia could have more normal routine going to school, etc. we dont want to risk chance TOO much by having me on the road with two kids by myself for so long. So, three weeks there, and 2.5 weeks back home and if everything keeps going well and Pumpkin does not spring any surprise moves on us, we should be good to go for May when we will be down until the delivery.

Sounds like a plan, right? Now if only Pumpkin will get on board with the plan, we'd have it all set!

So I will be down in Edmonton on Monday night and will be trying to sort out how life will proceed as normally as possible for that time :)

Welcome to the Super Crazy

About 10 days ago, I had a doctor's appointment. It was supposed to be pretty routine and supposed to help set me up for my upcoming trips to Edmonton for Spring Break where I would begin to see my Edmonton family doctor and OB/GYN on a regular bassis up to anticipated delivery date (May 19-22-ish for those of you keeping track). I mentioned that I had been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions and that sometimes they were getting quite obnoxious and frequent. She asked me how frequently I was getting them and when I told her I was up to about 3X per HOUR and that the baby had dropped rather uncomfortably low in my pelvic girdle, she insisted on doing an internal check to make sure that everything was as it should be. I was sure that she would tell me that having a Pumpkin sitting in your pelvis is perfectly normal at 31 weeks. Alas.

Of course, since my life is rarely simple or straight-forward, she found that things were not as tickety boo as they should have been at 31 weeks. My cervix was softening and I was fingertip dilated. She took me off work, post haste (creating a total upheaval in my school life that I cant even begin to get into without throwing myself into further contractions) and told me that I was to start seeing an OB/GYN up here in the sticks just in case my go-to-Edmonton plan just wouldnt work out. I was placed on "rest" which meant that I was to spend as little time stressing and on my feet as possible. Ha!

I cleaned up my classroom, left my plans for the sub, sorted out my marks and left school to deal with itself. I could tell that not being at work helped with the number of contractions rather tremendously, but that stress happens even when it should feel like you are now on Easy Street. Especially with a 4 and 2 year old running around causing havoc.

I went to the recommended OB/GYN here (lovely lady, thank goodness) who did another internal to check on things. She found me more dilated and my cervix softening further. I was placed on more restricted rest--no more groceries, picking up the girls, vacuuming or other exertive chores. Walking was still Ok, as long as I didnt overdo things. Before I left her office, she gave me a small ultrasound (with a neat setup right in her office!) in which she measured the baby and told me that it was laready at 4.5 lbs and that things looked good even if baby decied to make an early entrance. She sent me from her office to the hospital to get a steroid shot to help strengthen the baby's lungs and a non-stress test to see how the contractions were going. There were some small contractions in the 20 minutes I was there but mostly the baby was unhappy with the damn belt strapped tightly around my belly. I got the boot many times to illustrate Pumpkin's unhappiness.

I have a follow-up appointment on Wednesday and if I am dilating any more, I am not going to get the green light to drive down to Edmonton, and that she would rather that I flew there and stayed until delivery. But! If things remain as they are and I do not dilate anymore or have more cervica changes, I should be OK until...35 weeks, perhaps? Here's hoping Pumpkin bakes just a bit longer.

Elena sings Twinkle twinkle

What Teachers Make

It has been a hard week and it is only Monday. Dwayne is coming off a string of overtime nights and I have had to cope with all the stresses of life, teaching full time and busy half sick kiddoes.

Did I mention the last round of teaching evaluations, interim report cards, 80 handwritten in class essays to mark and parent teacher interviews this week? Oh and becuase I simply wasnt busy enough, I also had an Advanced Placement Parent Information Night. Oh and colleagues who think that bugging me in the middle of my classes to ask about inane impossibilities is wonderful timing. My head feel like it wants to explode. And that is only what I have to deal with at work!

So, when I stumble across a video like this, it makes me think that maybe, just maybe, it is really Ok to stick it out until my official mat leave date (April 18th!!!) and not just call in sick from now until then :P

Goals and the rush of childhood.

I had long neglected my 101 in 1001 blog but that isnt to say that time doesnt truck by and the goals aren't slowly but surely being accomplished. I am down to 50 tasks out of the original 101 and have surpassed the half way to goal mark! It is exciting and I still have 258 days left in my 1001 days!

Life changes so quickly and I am confident that no matter where life takes me in 258 days, my dreams remain as they were when I started my 101 list. Watching the time tick by on my 101 blog counter, I am reminded of how quickly time is escaping from us. The girls are bursting (as am I, literally!) and I can hardly keep up with them. In the little things that take up the hustle and bustle of the days, the girls are growing and learning and challenging me every day. I feel extraordinarily lucky some days (even when they are their most trying darling selves) watching them develop into themselves.

Julia's mind whirs by, clicking into ideas and mulling over details, spitting out ocasional tunrs of phrases that stun and amuse me. The other day over dinner, she asked if the baby was eating the spaghetti I was eating. I said yes, in a way, the baby would get spaghetti too. She thought about it for a moment and laughed--the brilliant four year old light bulb moment laugh--about how the baby was inside my tummy so unless spaghetti was inside my blood, it would be silly that the baby was eating spaghetti too. And then she added, "I think the baby is covered in blood!" I looked at her a moment, thought about the streaky newborn baby bodies awash in vernix and blood and said slowly, "Yes, the baby is sort of covered in blood." But, knowing my daughter's uncanny knack for filing away things that I tell her and regurgitating it for random company in random moments, I decided that I wanted her to have at least some of the facts straight. So I said to her, "You know, the baby in mommy's tummy isnt swimming around in mommy's blood because the baby lives in a special bag called a uterus." Her eyes widened for a moment and she repeated, "Uterus? The baby lives in a uterus?" I nodded and she thought about it for a moment more, absorbing and filing it away, picked up her fork again, and tucked into the rest of her spahetti. Some people might think that I tell my four year old more than she needs to know but I can live with that.

Elena is an altogether different fish. She is proud and stubborn and headstrong (she gets it all from her dad, didn't you know) and she constantly amazes and annoys me. I guess I have to admit that, maybe, just maybe, she is enough like me to frustrate me. When she was smaller, I was sure that she would be all tomboy. She climbs and jumps and dares things her sister would never think of doing. She throws herself into situations and people in a wild headlong fashion, as long as they are her terms. She has moments of hesitency and simpering softness but, again, only on her terms. If someone dares to dictate how she ought to be feeling, or wearing or doing at any given moment, she will do an immediate 180 and suddenly, everything that was red is now blue. Her temper is fierce and quick and she is shockingly adorable with her fist shaking and foot stomping. Elena has a natural leadership and empathy for others that sometimes leads to amusing, if terrible flares of temper. Sometimes if we are engaging in tickle games with Julia, Elena will declare, "Oh no! Ju-ya in twu-bull! I got to save her!" She will then charge towards the offending person who is holding her sister hostage and shake her fist in their face, "You wet her go! No mo' tickowing! Un'erstaaaand?!?" She, of course, punctuates every other word with a stamp of her foot. After trying to "reason" with the person for the release of her sister, she will then resort to trying to physically pry her sister bodily away from the situation, "Don't wowwy Ju-ya, I save you!" She plays out this scenario with her dolls, with her animals, with random peas that fall off her plate. Always the brave hero. She walks around the house hoisting various toys and tupperware over her head, "I so stwong! I Ewayna, the superhewo!" And despite all this, she is also a balance of girly girl who loves frilly tutus and flouncy dresses, she likes to wear tiaras and carry magic wands. She is unendingly maternal with her dolls and presses kisses to the fishtank becuase we won't let her pet the fish (though heaven knows she tries "Look mom, the fish are all wet!"). Sigh. And now, she is potty training herself (again, yes, we tried before but this seems to really be happening) and this time? She loves the idea of being in total control over what she wears and when she takes herself to the bathroom. The last time, I still had to lift her onto the toilet seat and it didnt scream "independent" enough for her so it stopped. But now that she dresses and undresses herself, picks her own wardrobe and put on her own shoes, she is determined that she will do this herself too.

I am so excited to see #3 and to catch my own little glimpses into the personality that will eventually grow beyond me and burst out into the world, a dove, a grouse, an eagle in flight.

Semester Ending

Time fles, whether or not you are having fun! I had just been musing about how the girls had gone back to the dayhome after the long winter break and hadnt picked up strange bugs from th other kids yet. And boom! Just like that I cursed myself. Elena woke up this morning to see Dwayne off to work and then just after he left she had the hugest messiest diaper ever. I brushed it off thinking that it was a one-time deal. I gave her breakfast (mistake #2) which she promptly threw up all over my carpet. Eww! I had just ironed my workshirt and was trying to decide if I wanted to strip first, clean up the mess or call in sick right in that moment and felt foolishly undecided. but it was late enough in the morning that I had to call in sick as soon as possible and deal with the mess. But I couldnt leave her close to the mess without chancing that she would walk through it and track it elsewhere so I cleaned up the big stuff, called in, stripped and then got out the carpet cleaner. Sigh. It isnt a good time to be away from school with only two more days of classes before final exams and all of my classes writing in-class portions today and tomorrow.

She seems to be better now and is holding down food but I cant be sure that she is entirely over her bug and so Dwayne has kindly offered to stay home with her tomorrow so I could go and do what I needed to before exams begin in earnest. So much to do and so little time!

In the same vein of bad timing (or perhaps comedic timing, as the case may be) Elena has also taken it into her head that she is done with diapers and despite raging diarrhea and an inability to make it quyite on time to the bathroom, she has begun refusing to wear anything other than big girl panties. 'Cause I have nothing better to do with my time than follow a sick toddler with a carpet cleaner. I should be happy she's growing up, but now? Like this? Gah.

So, another semester draws to a close. It was good, I had good classes and not as many challenges to my authority as I had when I began. The next term will be more challengin, not even slightly because I will be ginormously pregnant through it, but because I am beginning my Pre-AP English class and will be interested to see just how many of the 33 enrolled stick it out until grade 12 to actually end up writing the AP Lit exam. Next to the 10-1, 20-1 and ESL classes, I have much to be excited about as I round up the year. I cant guarantee that I will have time to write about it all but I can guarantee that I will be willing to share if asked :)

Pumpkin (aka OHB, the Whale) is thumping along at a good rate, keeping me up at nights already and making sleeping an interesting challenge. I am at 22 weeks and the girls are slwoly beginning to ask about the baby more and more often. Julia is always amused and amazed at the size of my belly and will pull up her own shirt to see that her tummy and belly button have not also magically exploded overnight.

And so it goes...

New Year's Eve

Well, it is New Year's Eve, and like most people, I have reflected on the excitement of this past year. It was a tumultuous but exciting time, filled with adventures, challenges, heartache and joy.

In the past year:
-I applied for and got a full time English teaching position
-We moved in with my in-laws (something I swore I would never do) and stayed with them for 4.5 months
-We watched Julia's seizures become very severe, to the point of hospitalization in March
-Elena became more vocal and increasingly active
-We bought a house (a single family, no sharing walls with anyone house!) in late April
-Dwayne was accepted into Keyano College's Co-op Work Experience to become an Electrician
-Julia was finally diagnosed in July after an abnormal EEG showed a blip in her right hemisphere. She has Benign Rolandic Epilepsy which they say she will outgrow by 16
-I was sent for training in Victoria to be able to teach Advanced Placement English (I got a nice vacation out of it too!) and offered a probationary contract in the fall.
-Julia started school in the Early Entry program.
-In September we found out that we are expecting Baby #3!! I got so huge so quickly that everyone thought I was having twins. As it turns out, I am just having OHB (one huge baby!). Sometimes I fondly refer to my belly as "The Whale"
-I had glowing teacher evaluations and hints have already been dropped about a continuing contract when I return to work in 2008.
-I fought for Julia to not be labeled even though they lost funding because I made them change her IPP. She was labeled as having a "mild speech language delay" and being pulled out for mixing up "his/her" pronouns and had a one-on-one teacher's aide. I didnt think it was necessary that she was labelled as "gross motor delayed" becuase she couldnt jump 18" with both feet together, landing with both feet together. Heck, I dont know that I could do that or that she was "fine motor delayed" because she couldnt cut within a half and inch of a line in a smooth continuous motion around a circle. Who makes up these tests? Anyway, I know Julia and agree that if anything she could use more work on her gross motor skills but language delay? Give me a break, she tells me the difference between a cheetah and a jaguar.
-My fathe moved into the basement with us whenever he is on shift (10 on, 4 off, how's that fpr a terrible shift?) and it is actually not bad. We get a minivan out of the deal so no complaining here!
-We are starting to save our pennies for a house back in Edmonton. Now that housing prices have skyrocketed there, I am not sure that we will be able to upgrade our house down there as originally planned when we first bought real estate here.

I am looking forward to 2007, even as I know that there will be many more challenges that will face us. I am excited and freaked out, just the way any adventure should begin.

Christmas Day Excitement!

Well after a bit of a tussle with stockings and the idea of shifting traditions around now that we are in our own house for the first time for Christmas since we have been together (Prince George being the only blip in the 8 year run), we have things squared mostly away.

It was a bit off to talk about how Christmas was going to go, since we are so close to how we used to celebrate (being in the same town and all) but not being in the same place to wake up in, not knowing where to hang stockings and who was going to fill them once they were hung!

After much discussion, some grumbling, some hormonal teary eyes and some back and forths, Christmas settled into a nice groove.

The kids slept until 11am, having been up partying with their cousins at the traditional shingding the night before, and then got up to open their stockings. Elena was so enamoured with the toothbrush at the top of her stocking, she wouldnt open anything else for at least 10 minutes!

Julia, on the other hand, was so into things she didnt know where to look next, but soon got into the groove of opening, admiring what she got and then moving on

Merry Christmas!

Just a quick note to wish you a very Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve Celebrations

The Worst Doctor's Appointment Ever

So after my little incident and being told to keep off my feet for a bit, to relax and not stress out, I made a follow-up appointment with my doctor. Only she was booked up and referred me instead to her colleague who works in the same office. This would have been OK if he hadnt been the biggest jerk to walk to planet.

When I was put into the examining room, his first question was "Well, what's the matter with you?" And when I explained what had happened, and that I had had 5 continuous days of headaches, his response was that I was being hysterical and that headaches were part of pregnancy so I would just have to learn to deal with them for the duration of my pregnancy. I stared at him in disbelief. He looked totally nonchalant, and proceeded to tell me that insurance companies didnt like for doctor's to approve people going on sick leave during maternity so I shouldnt ask.

I looked at him like he had grown three heads, I hadnt asked to be put on early leave, I asked whether I should be concerned with 5 days of headaches that Tylenol couldnt do anything for. When I explained that the headaches were combined with dizzy spells (spells severe enough that I would have to pull over while driving or else risk driving off the road) and that in my past pregnancy I was advised not to drive after the 5th month due to similar problems with dizziness and wanted to know if I should be concerned about the fact that they seemed to be getting worse not better.

He reiterated that I was concerned about nothing, that pregnanct women sometimes get dizzy and then got up to leave! I asked if there wasnt ANYTHING I could do--lie, down, elevate my feet, anything?!--and he replied, "Well, only you would know how to make it better for yourself. If sitting down doesnt work, try something else" I shook my head in disbelief at this guy. If I knew how to treat myself, why would I waste my time going to a doctor at all? So I called him on it, having sat there long enough feeling like a sheer idiot. "Well, since I came looking for a medical opinion about the headaches, can you please suggest something?" He scribbled out a requisition for some blood work and said, "There, you can have some blood taken."

So then, because I had just finished the round of antibiotics from the hospital for the UTI they had found during my visit to the ER, I asked if the lab results had been sent to the doctor's office because, silly me, I thought maybe all my prenatal records should be comprehensive. He heaved a sigh, because he had already gotten up to leave, huffed back to the desk and punched in some data. "Nope, nothing was sent" "Well, could you make a note of it in my record that I had a UTI diagnosed and treated this pregnancy, please? I understand hat having one makes me prone that having more?" "Well yeah but *you* know so isn't that enough?" And with that, he left the room.

I was so frustrated and angry I couldnt see straight for several moments. I had to brace myself to go out into public, to go back to school to teach my classes. I was so disgusted with the whole medical system in Fort Mac--crazy wait times, lack of second opinions, "One problem per appointment only", 6 minutes in and out policies, the list goes on. I know that there is a shortage of doctors and nurses, but this is a bit ridiculous.

As for the headaches, they continue to come and go. The dizziness is the same but school is out soon and hopefully a few weeks of vacation and downtime will help.

Christmas is Coming!! and Pregnant Adventure #1

My Santa Girls

Well, it's almost that time of year again. I am surrounded with surprises I have to keep hidden for the next few weeks and the girls already super curious already. What on earth am I going to do when they start *looking* for gifts hidden around? Gah. On the upside, I am 99% done the shopping and we havent really gone too far overboard in terms of expenses and unintentional gift buying. I have a few people left and some packages to figure out how they are going to make it to their intended recipients but otherwise, I actually have this Christmas thing under control.

Which is good, since some other things have stumbled a bit. Before anyone panics, the baby is fine. FINE. I heard the heartbeat yesterday and it is a merry 155 bpm. Sure the nurse was a bit incompetent while looking for it, but hey, while she was looking close to my chest area for the heartbeat, at least I got some peace of mind that there really is only ONE baby in there. Yeah I am feeling a bit unsure about what happned exactly but I am confident now that I only have one baby swimming around now. Speculation can now run rampant about what on earth I was feeling before but speculation is all that it can remain.

On Friday, I was putting up lights. Yeah yeah, spare me the lecture, there are enough people chorusing around me to knowck me into next week should anything more stupid enter my hear. But it was a nice day. And the lights were so tempting. And the ladder was so little. And I only slipped a little. One step. OK maybe two but not more than that! And I didnt land on my belly or face down in the gutter , I just skinned my knee! But then people started asking me in puzzled bewilderment why my belly seemed like it was *shrinking*. I was literally getting smaller within about a day. And, um, the little flutters I was feeling werent really there anymore. But I only skinned my knee! I didnt fall down, I swear! I just skidded a bit off the step!

I got my ass hauled down to the ER and they checked me. I wasnt bleeding, I wasnt losing amniotic fluid, I had mild cramps that were (and will remain) round ligament pains. I did end up showing a UTI, which sucks, but otherwise, I am fine. And the baby is fine.

And the doctor said that as long as I took it easy, didnt get worse or shrink more, and didnt lift anything heavy (including :( Elena) he wouldnt put me on bedrest. Since then, with my smaller belly, I havent felt kicking other than where the doctor said my fundus should be and all the other movement and kicking I felt in other funny places has stopped. So. I am trying not to think about it because the idea of twins never really existed in the first place, but there it is.

Did I mention that the baby is fine? And I have been solidly reamed out by everyone and their dog so yes, I feel guilty about being stupid. But I honestly didnt think that I was in any danger. Or that what I was doing was anymore dangerous than, say, carrying a squirming 2 year old out to the minivan on the slippery driveway. I know, I know, knock it off.

That was my adventurous weekend. I'll stick to gift wrapping, I guess, from here on in.

16 weeks vs 12 weeks

What do you think? Noticeably smaller?

Belly Pictures

Picture on the left:
Baby #1
June 15/02
9 months

Centre Picture:
baby #3
Nov 13/06
12 weeks, 6 days

Picture on the right:
Baby #2
July 26/04
9 months

News!

Well, if you didn't know yet, we have NEWS!!!



I am huge, look like I am well over 4 months along. I had to tell people at work quite early (8-9 weeks) simply becuase I couldnt wear any normal clothes and well, maternity clothes always *look* like maternity clothes. LOL

Two out of three of my classes know and the other class I think is just too polite to ask whether or not I am just getting fat. Still, I can't complain. I had horrible bouts of exhaustion in the first few weeks of the pregnancy but now I am moving out of the ever-tired phase and seem to have more energy (and nesting instinct!) to do all sorts of non-school related tasks, like baking cinnamon buns, shovelling the walk and building snowmen with the kids. Yeah, yeah, before you freak out about the fact that I am shovelling snow, it is light fluffy snow! Hardly weighs anything at all! It is less of a work out than walking up the stairs somedays.

It is just past midterm week and first report card marks are due on Tuesday, so things are hitting a bit of a stress level. Mostly, I have my marking under control, despite all the procrastination, and I have a start on the things I need to have done for Christmas so I guess stress is rather relative.

Name for the baby in utero is still under discussion. Julia was Bean, Elena was Peanut, and people have been bugging me about the fact that I am so big it looks like I could be carrying twins, I've taken to calling the baby "Whale" but I think that it might incite some sort of complex, you know?

Any suggestions?

The reason we went private

So, if you are reading this, you have been invited by email to continue reading this blog (and likely the accompanying picture blog). The change came suddenly and, like most things, might seem like it appeared out of the blue. Which it did, mostly.

I had always thought about the fact that there were questionable folk about, especially since we heard some as yet unconfirmed rumours that one of our ex-friends had been convicted of possession and accessing child porn, but always felt that there had to be more people I wanted to share my life with than I wanted to avoid. I was, and likely remain, too open and honest about my whereabouts, the names and ages of my children, my place of employment and so on. It all adds up to alot of information when it all Googles together.

I attended a conference on Thursday where I saw a presentation about the dangers of being online and how sick some people really were. How they could take random children's photos off the internet and Photoshop them for their own purposes. How they could add illicit details and gory horrific ideas and it was suddenly the tipping point.

Call me paranoid, but if I feel like I have *some* control over who sees the girls and how they're doing, I feel a measure better. I dont want to restrict my friends or family rfom sharing the joy of seeing the girls grow up and as such, if there is anyone out there that I know that has not yet recieved an invitation to the blogs (I had to make some random guesses among friends who still read the blogs and who was interested in being in touch) please email me and let me know what email address you would like the invite sent to and I will add you.

I agree that it is a pain and perhaps a stop gap measure for those who are really determined will find a way no matter what little things we can try but I have to at least try. Now that I have migrated the account to the Beta, there are all sorts of glitches and I hope that you remain with me through this next phase of blogging.

Mourning

"Grief fills the room up of my absent child,Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me . . ."- Shakespeare, King John

Please pray for my colleague, who lost his baby girl and whose wife and 5 year old son remain in critical condition after this horrific tragedy.

Pray to whomever you believe can help lift this sadness from this man, who was so kind and so unknown and so far from home, to make a living that was worthy of his family and now has lost so much.

Pray that there is some reason that this accident occured and why it makes me shiver with worry that if it could happen to him, why couldn't it happen to us all?

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts."- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Pray for us to come together as a community of educators to feel the loss of this tragedy and not slough it off as yet another headline. To embrace the loss not because it makes us feel worse but because it makes us feel. We are interconnected, even in our isolated pods of classrooms, in our own professional worries and difficult work-filled days.

Pray that we remember to hug our children, to kiss our spouses, to thank our friends.

Pray that we remember the value of the life we have now; not the one that we are working for someday or the things we want our children to be when they grow up.

Pray that the oft-embittered sorrows of the world will someday yield peace for all.

"Joy and grief were mingled in the cup; but there were no bitter tears: for even grief itself arose so softened, and clothed in such sweet and tender recollections, that it became a solemn pleasure, and lost all character of pain."- Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist

Buddies

One of the goals of our family was to have children close enough in age that they were close--closer than my husband and I were with our siblings anyway--and it has seemed to work out that way. Sure they fight, they play with the same toys and have the same interests for the most part and squabble over little things. Elena knows how to push Julia's buttons and knows when to push away and when to zoom in for a snuggle. And Julia is a big softie who tries to be hard nosed about being the big sister but will, more often than not, capitulate to her baby.

The forced separation in early September of the kids by the childcare situation in the town was one that put an enourmous strain on all of us, but none more than the close relationship between the two girls. On the first day we had to go to our separate places--Elena to her dayhome, Julia to hers (and to school) and me back to work--we dropped Elena off first. Well as we were leaving she began to cry. Predicatably, she is only 2 after all. But the strange thing was that she wasnt crying for me, she seemed to understand that I had to go to work but she couldnt for the life of her understand why Julia couldnt stay with her. Her big sister had always been the constant that made all the other transitions of moving, new houses, new dayhomes, having to miss mom all day long, etc. much more bearable. And now they were forced to be apart? Incomprehensible.

Well, we had to go and Julia was feeling anxious about it, as she was putting on her shoes to get back into the car, she said to me, "Mom, Elena is crying. She's sad." I said, "Yeah, I know, but we have to do this today--you get to go to school, she gets to play here and mom has to go to work, but we'll see each other really soon" She nodded and continued putting on her shoes. After a moment, she said, "Mom, Elena is crying and calling my name" she paused, "Mom, its all my fault." Talk about heartbreak. What kind of four year old puts this kind of pressure on herself?

Later that afternoon while at school, she had an incident that made her wet herself. Coincidence? She never has accidents except in a seizure state, no matter how minor or quick they may be. She then continued to have accidents at night and during the day (very very unusual for the incidents to happen during the day when she is usually so aware of herself). There had to be something I could do for my poor girls.

So I called up some people and got meetings and made arrangements and the long and the short of it is that I managed to get an exemption to keep my girls together. Some people might feel like I was too overprotective but all I know is that since being back together, Julia hasnt had a single incident. And that? Is good enough reason for me. 

 

First Days

Julia's First Days at her Early Entry Program

Now that school has begun again, we finally have Julia in a place where she can attend school--the best part is that she goes every afternoon from Monday to Thursday and there is stability and routine and everything that she thrives on. From the looks of the "curriculum" there isnt much on there that she doesnt already know but the socialization aspect and following direction is huge and she loves it all so much.

We had hit a little bump in her road a bit when school was just beginning with her anxiety tied to her sister's absence and her acute sense of my unhappiness with the dayhome situation but everything has been resolved and now, miraculously, her strange bahviour and dont-quite-know-if-this-is-a-seizure state has gone back to normal life once again.