The Ridiculous Allure of New Things

I have this thing . I guess you might call it a compulsion, a problem, a difficulty. You see, I like to accumulate stuff and part of the reason that I accumulate so much stuff is because I have a hard time opening things and using them. Yes, it sounds odd because they are often things that I want to use, want to eat, want to play with. But there is something about the allure of new things in shiny packages and sealed plastic that makes me pause in my tracks. CAse in point, over Christmas my mother gave me a few tins of candy. Very cute little tins that came from some posh hotel that she bought as a remembrance and thought that we might enjoy. Well, I just cracked the first tin open becuase I am moving and frankly, I dont have room to store little tins of candy and boxes of chocolates and bins of crackers. Even if the packages are delightful and I really do like the look of them. And besides which , I know my mother didnt purchase these itesm to accumulate dust in my cupboards, she bought them to be consumed and thrown away. I know this. But it is still hard.

The newness factor comes into play with more than just candies, though. I have notebooks and pencils, scrapbooking items and bath stuff that is just sitting here and know that it is all quite ridiculous but I cant do much about it. Well, until now, that is. I have resolved to put aside my "like it so shiny" ways and am working on polishing off this little tin of jelly candies and enjoy every last one of them, dammit. Because I can. And I should. Because who on earth will want to see a freaking tin of petrified candies. Upon unearthing it, they would undoubtably shake their heads and ask one another "Why didnt she just eat them?"

Why indeed.

Journey On

Well, as Holidailies is wrapping up for another year, I am feeling the excitement of the coming year. It is a journey that is just beginning to open up, like the tender petals of a blossom. It feels like I blinked yesterday and between the gasp of breath the new year took as the clock struck twelve to the seconds that flew between hitting send and getting a reply from the school, somehow I have set the year on a crash course journey. I am spiralling a bit out of control as I set out to get it all done in record time.

I have never shied away from change and things often happen quickly once things are set into motion but this takes the cake. If everything falls into place, there will be about 2 weeks to pick up the kids, pack and move to a new city. 2 weeks? My head is about to explode. And yet, I am happy. Excited. Thrilled even. Even though I was so vehenmently opposed to living so close to the in-laws, I am looking forward to the challenges that lie ahead.

It will undoubtably be a long road and a hard one at that. I dont expect to be able to waltz in and have the students eating out of my hand or that I will know how to cope with an ounce of the trouble they will throw my way. Nevertheless, I am eagerly anticipating starting this next step in the journey I set out on so long ago. I am feeling confident (and nervous beyond belief) as I get myself ready for the interview on Thursday.

And so as I draw this not so thrilling entry out for my last portal of Holidailies, I am setting myself up for a year of opporunities and anticipation. This holding pattern I am in is about to kill me.

Sleep

I like to sleep. I was never a get up early type of child, preferring instead to burrow into the warmth of my blankets and drift the day away. Sometimes I would wake and read there in my little blanket warren but it was a rare time that I would willingly leave it to face the coldness of the world around me. My parents, of course, did not ever indulge me in this fantasy of loafing about, but I did enjoy dragging it out as long as I could.

Sometimes my blankets (of which I had no fewer than three or four at any given time of the year)would hit that perfect nest and I would try my best to emerge from it carefully so that I could return to the perfection I had created later that evening. Naturally this meant that making the bed was out of the question. Smooth sheets? Hospital corners? Orderly pillows? How on earth would you be able to savour the warmth if you werent curled within it? So I left it, much to everyone else's chagrin. They simply closed the door to my bedroom and held thier breath as they entered. I would have been happier if they had not entered at all, but that is another tale entirely.

Now that I have children of my own who also enjoy their sleep, I can see my parents emerging from within me as I nag them out of thier beds (at 3 and 17 months, though, sometimes it is best to let sleeping babies lie) They, like me and my husband, like to stay up late and sleep the day away. Night owls all. Too bad the world doesnt revolve around folk like us. Still, on vacation days like I have now, I like giving them the opportunity to sleep as much as they would like and, while this may not be the delicate balance that the rest of the world strikes between waking and sleeping times, I think that they will be fine.

Besides, I like watching them sleep. It is a peaceful and gentle time, the next best thing to sleeping myself.

Lost: Sense of Reality

I am not very good at making Resolutions. Or rather, I am very good at making resolutions, but also very good at breaking resolutions. It has gotten to the point where I dont even think i should put up the pretense when I know that I am setting myself up for a fall from the heights of unrealistic expectations. I think part of the problem is that I have an overactive imagination that tends to run away with my expectations rigth around this time of year. I think if I put out a lost and found ad for it it might read:

LOST
Sense of Reality.

Last sighted by me in the mid 1990's dressed in red plaid flannel and wide whale brown corduroy pants. Might be disguised in resolutions around New Year's, romantic Valentines in mid-February, clad in bouquets of flowers around Mother's day and lingering around turkey during holiday gatherings.

Could be considered dangerous if one is near rock bottom.

Often accompanied by Overactive Imagination, High Expectations and Illogical Reasoning. Be warned that these companions are a bad influence and may lead one's Sense of Reality further astray.

Use caution when approaching.

I am trying to rein things in this year, even as I start with a level of stress that may be considered lethal in most cases. I am trying to give myself permission to take things one at a time, to not overplan for things I dont know I can commit to, to take the exciting plunge into the unknown. I am trying to tell myself that I have to look out for our families best interests because no one will do it for me. And so though I havent made official resolutions, I obviously have made a decision to make a concerted effort to accomplishment. Maybe i should call a spade a spade and move on.

And so it goes...

Taking 2006 by Storm

It is only 1 day into 2006 and already I am planning to ride out the year in a chaotic way. I am in the process of re-vamping my resume which, once sent, will plunge us headlong into uncertain territory as we decide which of the family needs would be served by what actions. I know it all sounds vague and clear as mud but if anything is clear it is that this year will be filled with uncertainty.

Some people look back on the previous year and re-hash and re-live the moments of clarity, moments of unrest, moments of great joy and moments of unbearable sorrow. In the same vein, as I re-write my resume, I cast my thoughts back upon the places I have been, the person I was at various points of life. I think about how odd it might be to work at the places I once did, knowing now what I know, how much growth has been achieved as I have moved forth in time. While I am sure that it is perfectly natural to do this reminiscing over this document, it feels funny to me, especially as I am simultaneously looking forward, projecting and trying to view the long term consequences of any decisions that may be made.

As with year-in-reviews, it feels uncanny that time has gone by so fast, that I could have crammed so much in so little time, and as I look to what this new year will bring, I see endless possibilities.